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Summer 2003 Match Reports
Oh my god they actually did it. In what seems like a frenzied obsession since the previous Friday, Ricky Organ managed to get the residents of Chez Didsbury off their collective arses and in to a Wednesday 5-a-side powerleague. Despite being on the edge of what seemed to be a certain nervous breakdown, as he fretted about not having enough players, and then possibly having too many, 8.30 Wednesday evening saw the residents first outing into the compet1tive world of league football. In addition to the permanent residents, temporary resident the Chemist, G Man's cousin Owen and his two friends Chris and Neil, and one of Ricky Organ's work colleague Nigel made up a squad of 9, with Squirrel stepping down to get the allowed eight required for games action. Coming into the league late, replacing a team that had dropped out with a 5 out of 5 loss record and a minus 57 goal difference, it was going to be hard to win the league but they would give it a game. Their first game was against the team that was just above them in the league, and despite conceding an early goal they weren't being outplayed and scored a well deserved equaliser about 5 minutes before half time. The second half started with Ricky Organ taking over from Owen in goal, and what a bright start it was. Within two minutes they were ahead, and they had chances to build a lead, however after about 10 minutes disaster struck and they conceded an equalising goal, which along with the loss of the Chemist to a hamstring strain, led the now flagging team to suffer from their lack of conditioning, and 5 goals in as many minutes, including a soft own goal as G Man wrong footed Ricky Organ, saw them fall apart, but in the last five minutes they scored two goals to finish with a respectable 7-4 loss, and the promise of better results with more practise.
Week two saw a somewhat changed line up, with Owen, Chris and Neil unavailable, Dave Pearce (not the radio 1 DJ) was drafted in, and Squirrel played, making up a seven man squad. The game started well with the two sides being evenly matched, and not long into the game they took the lead, which they held for a few minutes before allowing an equaliser. The match see-sawed during the first period with the team taking a 2-1 lead only to be pulled back to 2-2, before taking a 3-2 lead into the break, and it was on the balance of things a fair reflection of the game. Moments into the second half there was another equalizer, but yet again the team managed to get there noses back in front and take a 4-3 lead. In a period of sustained pressure they came close to scoring twice again with the frame of the goal frustrating them twice. Oh, what could have been. Inevitably the equalizer came, and then in the last ten minutes the lack of fitness and being one player down showed as the opposition scored another four unanswered goals, to give a thoroughly undeserved score line of 8-4. But it has to be said that the signs are there that things are coming together, and as the second half of the season kicks in, there are points there for the taking.
Week three saw an unchanged squad from the previous encounter, though Hopalong was in a somewhat reduced state of fitness due to his corporate golf day and drinking prior to going to play. Things started slowly and the opposition were two nil up in the space of a coupe of minutes. However the boys pulled it back to two all, before the opposition went on a goal rampage and scored six unanswered goals, before easing off a bit and letting the boys pull it back to eight four at half time. Meanwhile outside the court two little scallies were entertaining themselves by throwing sand at the subs and the opposition’s samehead supporters. Within seconds of the start of the second half the boys dragged another goal back, before going through another of those spells, and found themselves trailing twelve five. It was at this point that they decided to play their best football of the campaign so far and dragged the score back to twelve ten, and succeeding in having the opposition rattled. However a late conceded goal and lack of time saw them narrowly fail to produce the greatest comeback in history, and finish up at thirteen to ten losers. There are however definite signs of improvement, and with some absentees due back in the next couple of weeks, things are looking up.
You're not going to believe this, but the team didn't lose. Yes that's right people they didn't play. At one stage it looked like they were only going to have the bare minimum of 5 players (Squirrel, G Man, The Chemist, Turkish, and Dancing) but in the nick of time their opponents rang through and cancelled. It was probably a good job, cos otherwise ambulances and oxygen would have been needed at 9.30.
Yes, it was back to the same routine. Turning up with only 6 players was never going to be ideal, but with injuries to G Man and Hopalong, and Turkish away, it left Ricky Organ, Squirrel, The Chemist, Dancing, Owen and Chris. The good news was that the opponents only had 6 players as well. The game started off pretty evenly, until after about five minutes they fell behind, they quickly equalised, only to concede another goal. A second equaliser came, and with five minutes of the first half left they were level at two all. Two late goals by the opposition left the score at 4-2 at the break, and after an all too short break the opponents took a 5-2 lead soon after the break. The team pulled one back but soon found themselves 6-3 down. There then came that inspired passage of play which is so typical of their performances, and they found themselves back in it at 6-5. However as surely as night follows day, the inspired play was followed by the running out of steam period, where three quick opposition goals found them 9-5 down with only a few minutes to play. They pulled one back to trail 9-6, but a disputed late goal saw them go down 10-6. There is still optimism that the win is there for the taking before the end of the season.
The morning call from the powerleague confirming the team's presence that evening should have been an omen, and the chance to wiggle out of playing at that stage should have been grasped with both hands, but do they learn? Do they fac? Fast forward to 7pm and confirmation that there will only be 5 players available (Squirrel, The Chemist, Dancing, Nes, and Boots), and one of those would be a raw recruit (Boots). The team arrive at just before half eight, only to find out if they'd have looked at the fixture list they'd had known that they weren't due on til half nine. When game time came around it seemed that their luck might be changing, as the opposition turned up with only four players. However five minutes in and the team found themselves 3-1 down, and the opposition's team name of Not Athletic was looking to be a blatant piece of false advertising. However when the oppositions fifth player turned up the team got their act together a bit and dragged it back to three all. For the next fifteen minutes it was fairly close until just a couple of minutes before half time they were only 6-5 down. A slack couple of minutes however saw them go into the break 9-6 down. If only things could have stopped there. The second half turned into a bit of a shambles, Not Athletic upped their pace and after a couple of quick goals, the teams' heads began to drop. Pretty soon it was 15-6, and the most depressing aspect was when the team asked the ref. how long left they were told 15 minutes. With about 7 minutes left and the score now at the ridiculous 18-6 one of the opposition had to go, so it was back to playing against four players, and the opposition were obviously feeling pity as their keeper managed to knock in a couple of own goals, before they knocked one more through the legs of Squirrel in goal (making seven nutmegs for the evening), to make the final score a demoralising 19-8. The next time the team only has four it would be a good idea not to bother. What's that I hear you cry, four? Didn't you say there were five players on the team? Oh yes, Boots, I'm assuming he's picked up the moniker in an ironic way. Probably the best thing that could be said for him is that he could run (Squirrel and Hopalong still need to master this one) and was enthusiastic, but then again the same could be said for a puppy. And a puppy could probably play better. Boots seemed to have an overall lack of capability in passing, controlling, shooting and tackling, to the extent that during a ten minute spell in the first half he didn't get a touch of the ball as the other three outfield players made a concerted effort to keep the ball as far away from him as possible. Therefore a plea is issued to all other registered players, your team needs you.
They did what? They f#cking won? Don't be alarmed, it's just that the other team didn't turn up, so they were awarded a 10-0 victory. Result. So instead of taking the plaudits what did they do? That's right the team that's bottom of the bottom division decided to play a friendly against the team second in the league overall. Things could have got messy if it hadn't been a friendly, but they managed to post a respectable 15-6 loss and they weren't as outclassed as the gulf in league status suggested they could have been. Anyway the goals have now changed and the object is to win a game under their own steam.
A 7pm start was never going to be overly attractive to getting a full team, especially with England playing at eight, so it was little surprise that the team was short manned with only 5 players, with only Ricky Organ, G Man, The Chemist, Turkish and Nez up for it. The game itself started as most do, with a respectable 2-2 scoreline at half time, but the normal second half slide took effect and they slid to a 10-3 defeat.
A 7.30 start and a full 8 man squad. Squirrel, G Man, Ricky Organ, The Chemist, Dancing, Owen, Nez, and newcomer Andy (one of G Man’s work colleagues) turned out for the last game of the current season. An early goal saw them take the lead against the slow starting Ashton Athletic, however a ten minute blitz saw Ashton roar into a 7-1 lead, despite a full length dive by squirrel to prevent an own goal, during which only his goatee prevented getting turf burn on his chin, and his vision was shaken up, causing three goals to be scored due to poor perspective. The team got two goals back by half time to go into the break 7-3 down. They were lifted at the start of the second half after learning that the ref had marked one of Ashton’s goals for them and had the score as 6-4. The team lifted their game and came roaring back to 7-7, and then after swapping goals it was 9-9 with just two minutes remaining, and despite constant pressure those two minutes flew by and the scores finished level, the first point gained on the pitch. A new season looms with an air of confidence over the team. Below is the table before the final games that were played on Wednesday.