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Me Laird's Addition to Surerandomality The Hours
Good morning/afternoon/evening folks; I appreciate it has been quite some time since this particular correspondent has been in touch, forgive me for the lack of effort but, in truth, I couldn't be arsed!
Well, fair to say I have been keeping some of the fine old Surren' traditions going, some clever soul has opened a new 'gentleman’s' club near to my favorite Casino (Viva Las Vegas!), suffice to say that a quiet meal in Napoleons (Viva Las Vegas) is now considerably more expensive especially seen as though my recently acquired significant other (amazing what you can get on the internet nowadays) also seems to enjoy going in if only because people seem to keep buying her drinks and attempting to outbid each other for a private dance with her! [To the best of my knowledge her new car was purchased from her legitimate living as a Meteorologist **if you ever meet her please do not make my life impossible by referring to her as a weather girl, she IS meteorologist (or whatever the word is), although girl is more in keeping with her penchant for Prada handbags!**]
Other than trips into town, the local watering hole had, up until last night, become a fairly safe refuge. Unfortunately last night saw some underhand shenanigans from yours truly to beat the sad old bastards that always win the music quiz, many thanks to Squirrel for his help via text, and I would also like to pass on my thanks to www.ask.co.uk for the couple of answers I got via WAP!!! Anyway, the £90 was returned under the threat of a lifetime ban and having to cook meals for myself in future!
I think that’s enough from me, apart from a complaint regarding the joke in The Hours regarding the lady who had her vanetians refurbished, this is one of my ALL TIME jokes and the woman concerned is actually Joan Collins, makes the punch line a little funnier.
Anyway, week ahead holds, unfortunately, 2 days in Ardrossan for me, if you don't know where Ardrossan is then look up "Armpit of Scotland" in a dictionary, you will see that Ardrossan is referred to as a "puss ridden boil, just below the Armpit of Scotland".
Oh yea, for the of you attending the Surren' night out on the 25th, please bear in mind that I have RESERVED the sofa at Chez Didsbury, I am not too sure about 5th Ave unless the Dancing Bear plans on making an appearance, although given the wholehearted attempt at a pincer vomiting movement in Teasers the other week it may be wise for me to avoid the place for a while.
Remember, you don’t need a smoking gun to justify decisions, just guns and smoke is fine, if they are within a few miles of each other then all the better.
there now follows two random text messages received in the last 24 hours.....
I was nervous at first.....It was big and long and went straight up!.....I had to try it.....I eased myself onto it.....I LIKED it!!...I went up and down on it until my back and legs ached.....I LOVE ESCALATORS!!!!!
Two blokes stood at the urinals in New Union, one looks down and sees the other has a nicorette patch on his cock..."Does that work" he enquires "Sure does" the gentleman replies "I'm down to TWO BUTTS a day"
.....goodnight.....