|
|
2004 Quotes
The Chemist (50 minutes into the film) - I’ve just worked out why it’s called Legally Blonde.
E-Mail conversation. Squirrel has just forwarded a holiday update from G Man.
Hopalong’s reply - Friggin’ hell - how long’s he there for - do we know yet?
Squirrel - He’s put “Back Wednesday” in the e-mail.
Hopalong - OH, I though he meant back Wednesday (for the second division title).
The Chemist (talking about American Football) – I quite like the Cowboys, but I wouldn’t want to go to Tesco’s. (He meant Texas)
Newcastle Fans – Rio for rehab
United Fans’ retort – You’ve got a team full of rapists, team full of rapists
Newcastle Fans’ response – Taxi for London
Seeks – Is there anyone else except City playing tonight
Squirrel – Yeah, Watford-Chelsea
Seeks – Who are Chelsea playing?
Seeks (one can only hope sarcastically, as Karen and Garden were talking about Avon prices) – God, I wish I was a girl.
Random Man in The Post Office – Do you sell stamps?
Planty (as response to a Wedding invite from Zoë) – Sorry, but I’m in Barbados then. (A rival to the cricked neck excuse!)
Bouncer (To Squirrel) – You’re not dressed funkily enough.
Ricky Organ – Did you say Funky? What do you want us to do? Timewarp back to the seventies and come bouncing back on space hoppers?
Ricky Organ (during the same conversation) – What does it take to get in? A rub down and a Shiatsu?
Blondie – Can we accept a change of address?
Long pause, expecting something else to be said before,
Karen – That is what we do.
Jose Reyes (Arsenal's new signing) - I am joining the best club in England.
Followed by - To be honest, I know nothing about English football.
Zac – So what date is Valentine’s day then? 15th? 18th? 12th?
Squirrel, Dancing & Woody – The 14th!
Zac – Well I don’t need to know.
Ricky Organ – Is MC Hammer an MC?
Ricky Organ – I’ve worked in a gym, and they’re right thick bastards that work there.
Blondie (Looking out of the window overlooking Lincoln Square) – No way is that saddo drawing a picture of Albert Lincoln.
Seeks (Talking about his elastic band ball) – It’s like the child I never had.
Blondie – I had a prawn curry last night and it was minging. It was really fishy.
Hopalong – You know if you have a mouse on your computer, what if you have more? Are they mouses or mice?
General mumbling – Mice
Hopalong – So if you have more than one sheep what do you call them? Sheeps?
Ricky Organ – No, just Sheep.
Hopalong – What about Fish, that’s the same.
Squirrel – Fishes
Hopalong – Ha fishes, it’s fish.
Ricky Organ – 5 loaves and 2 fishes.
Squirrel – That’s what I was thinking.
Hopalong – Where’s that from?
Ricky Organ – The Bible
Hopalong - Yeah, but Jesus was a complete retard, it’s fish
Next Pub!
Talking about Mexico when
Karen – That’s near Africa.
Karen – When was Christmas Day
Seeks – 25th December
Zac – Who’s this slag then?
Me Laird – That’s my ex.
At a Fancy dress party, after all night dressed in bandages and sunglasses, the “invisible man” returns in normal clothes.
Squirrel – No mate, you looked better with the bandages on.
Talking about reasons for Blondie’s tiredness.
Karen – That’s a sign of Anaemia. Your iron could be low as well.
Squirrel – The Team With No Name played Parrswood Old Boys tonight.
Owen – We could do with them both losing.
Watching the Adidas advert
The Chemist – Is that really Muhammad Ali?
Squirrel – Yes.
The Chemist – Is that his daughter?
Squirrel – Yes
The Chemist – How did they do that?
Watching A Question of Sport on Friday evening, the day before the final round of 6 nations rugby games.
Sue Barker – Don’t forget to watch the BBC’s all day coverage of the final day of the 6 nation’s championship.
The Chemist – Surely if this is taped before hand, they already know the scores to tomorrow’s games.
Nez (on way home from 5 a side) – I’m going home to paint a rabbit.
The Chemist – What’s the score in the Liverpool game? (they were playing Marseille)
Squirrel – 1 all
The Chemist – Have Marseille scored?
On way to Crawley, after opening window of car there is a strange smell, and a discussion about it. Then.
Blondie – No, That doesn’t smell like shite, it smells like manure.
Not to be outdone on the journey, the fuel gage needle had just gone into the red and panic had set in.
Karen – Someone said that once the needle goes in the red you’ve got 50 miles left. . . . . Or is it 50 gallons?
Seeks – In May, payday falls on the 27th for a change, not the Thursday. (Actually May 27th is a Thursday)
Seeks – If this was an office full of lads it’d be heaven!
G Man is about to get into his Honda to go to work.
Asian Neighbour – That’s a nice car. If you were thinking about selling it, I’d be willing to buy it.
Hopalong is ringing the bell on Justin’s door, it’s 3am.
Squirrel (from the doorway of Chez Didsbury) – What are you doing, he’s not in, his car’s not there.
Hopalong – Yes he is, the doorbell’s ringing.
Squirrel (to Boots) – Are you drinking that or are you letting it evaporate?
Boots – erm.
Squirrel – Jesus, you’re nearly as bad at drinking as you are at football.
Taxi Driver – I’m Iranian
Hopalong – Uranian? You mean you’re from Uranus. You’re from another planet?
Squirrel – No mate, he said Iranian, meaning from Iran.
While watching The Sixth Sense
Ricky Organ – That dead girl was quite fit. (pause) A bit pale though.
Squirrel (To Zac as he walks into Chez Didsbury wearing check shirt) – Nice Tablecloth
Zac (To Chinese bird) – The Chinese only use chopsticks cos they never got round to inventing the spoon.
Zac (Again, about young couples buying houses) – Yeah, their combined wages would be enough to get a mortgage, but at 23-24, she’s going to be child bearing age, and they’re not going to afford it then.
Bouncer at Waxy O’Connor’s (To Ricky Organ with a supreme piece of personality recognition) – You’re a cunt.
Ricky Organ (Somewhat unadvisable retort) – You’re a balding cock.
Zac (Yet again, in a somewhat confused State) – It was like that with the rugby team as well. They were full of Ra Ra. (pause) Henry’s
Martin (Karen’s other half while arguing over who a presenter is on TV) – That’s Clive James, the one who did Tarrant on TV
Seeks (On arriving at work after cycling in) – I’m sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare.
It’s after 5-a-side and Squirrel has told Nez about his ex-wife faking a death cert to get his vinyl out of storage to sell it.
Nez (Genuinely & without the slightest hint of sarcasm) – Was it an amicable split?
G Man – So what did you think of the flat then.
Squirrel – It’s tip top mate, I’m just not sure about the colour of the bathroom.
Karen - You up to anything good this weekend?
Seeks - Going to TGI's tonight (Friday), Lymm tomorrow etc...etc
Blondie - Lymm isn't that Blackpool way ?
Everyone - Don't you mean Lytham St Anns?
Blondie (Laughing) - Oh yeah !
Chris (to Amanda) - Did you not have butter on your cheese sandwich because you're a vegan?
Text Conversation
Kelly - I don't think I’ll have time to meet you as I'm having my hair done.
Hopalong - Do you think you've got time to have a boob job and a face lift as well?
Garden – My feet feel numb. (Cue spectacular fall)
Garden – Have you seen how many two legged pigeons there are in Albert Square? (As opposed to what?)
Kolin was complaining about his P60 and how adecco had put an F in the sex box.
Squirrel – It’s alright, perhaps the F is for Faggot.
Bouncer - Do you think we're stupid?
G Man - Well, yeah actually.
Text conversation
Squirrel - I'm meeting Kate for a quiet drink.
G Man - That will get messy.
Seeks - What number are you on over there? The same?
Blondie - Yeah.
Seeks - What's that then?
Blondie (in farewell e-mail) - ..I've been a little bit disorganised...
Squirrel (in response) - A little bit disorganised? Isn't that like saying Hitler was a little bit naughty?
A couple of days later after sending work stats out about same new worker (which weren't good).
Karen - Time to call Blue Arrow I think.
Squirrel - You'd be better off with a bow and arrow.
A new worker has started, and after a couple of hours.
Maggie & Karen - What's she like?
Squirrel - Somewhere in the world there is a village missing it's idiot.
After quite a while of Squirrel going on.
Amanda - Go away, you're ruining my Birthday.
Squirrel (to Jen, back at Amanda's house) - So am I sleeping in your bed then?
Jen - No!
Squirrel (to another random female) - I heard you're supposed to give good head.
Random Female (Shocked) - Er....what....who said that...er...No.
Squirrel - Suppose a shag's out of the question then? (Wanders off before response)
Owen - I've some good news about playing football. I've..
Squirrel (interrupting) - Retired?
Squirrel positions himself in front of a random female's (wearing a slogan T-Shirt) chest. After about a minute.
Random Female - It says "
Squirrel - Eh? What?
Random Female - The Slogan, It says "
Squirrel - Oh. Sorry Love but I wasn't trying to read what it said, I was just looking at your tits. (Wanders off before response)
After heavy fall.
Garden - My arm hurts, but my left tit really hurts.
Squirrel - And you looked a right tit doing it.
Karen: What’s the Bay called again?
Caller: Colwyn Bay I think.
Karen: (Turning to Maggie) Maggie, Is Colwyn Bay in Wales?
Maggie: Yea, North Wales.
Karen: That’s near Newcastle isn’t it?
Ricky Organ – I think I need to go out with an older woman, cos I’m so mature
Amanda (to Daddy G) – Fuck Off!
And another mixed metaphor from Kol
They’d sell like nine pins
Kol's sayings again.
I'm like a cat on a hot tin wire
Sweating like a polecat
Like Leghorn Foghorn.
It's catching
Dancing - Seeing as he couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo
Kol - I think I was an alien in a previous life.
Hopalong – Don’t you fucking dare
Squirrel – What?
Hopalong – If you get off with that, I’m gonna have to slap you.
Squirrel – if I get off with that shoot me.
Taxi Driver – Just get out and leave it.
Squirrel – Ha! I beat you playing one handed. Ha! You’re shit!
Hopalong – At least I didn’t break a taxi seat you fat bastard.
Steve – The reason I didn’t see it, was because it didn’t have any music playing.
Accidental quote.
Squirrel text message - I'm with Becky, we're just going to the village. You coming out?
G Man - Would you like to rephrase the question?
Hopalong – Do you want to get down on your hands and knees and chew grass if you’re going to be a cow all night?
Hopalong – I put Mendieta in cos I thought he was Nedved.
And another of those special Kol sayings, this time
He was chief whip and bottle washer
The Chemist (after a fly had flown into his eye) – I wish there was a way to punish them
Random Female (To Hopalong as he tried to chat to her) – Shut up, you’re boring me.
Box Bitch – Where does the phone line come into the flat?
G Man (and not sarcastically) – From Outside.
Seeks – Wellingborough? Have I been there? It’s not Basingstoke is it?
Karen – The Kray twins – Roggie & Rennie
Garden – Could you imagine if they had a bring your dog day at Princess Street
Squirrel – I’ve been there, I thought they had it every day
Kol – We could have a bring your mother day
Squirrel – It wouldn’t be very pleasant, mine would be pretty decomposed
Garden – Can you do me an autoroute for Harrogate
Seeks – That’s London way isn’t it.
Karen – How are you going to be able to get up to get a train from Manchester at quarter past seven?
Seeks – I’m always able to get up when I’m going on a journey that’s a little adventure.
Karen – It’s a shame you don’t treat coming to work every day as a little adventure then
Box Bitch – What time does the football end?
Squirrel - About 10 seconds before we switch over to watch the Ryder Cup.
Maggie – Louise had the baby at the weekend
Seeks – How old is it?
Seeks – Did Arsenal lose last night?
Squirrel – No, they drew 1-1.
Seeks – Were they behind?
Squirrel – No.
Seeks – Were they ahead?
Squirrel – I really like the new Girls Aloud song.
Seeks - Is that book Watership Down a true story?
Terri-Ann - Does K come before L in the alphabet
Kol - I thought she said does Gay come before L in the alphabet
Terri-Ann - See ya Dad
Kol - Yes I'm old enough to be your dad.
Terri-Ann - Yeah, but you're not fucking straight enough to be
Terri-Ann - Patrick Breen - Breen? Isn't that a type of cheese?