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Hit the Bar Vs FC Polska
A 9.30 fixture against top-of-the-league opposition, clashing with England vs. Japan, and multiple squad members whinging early doors. It would be fair to say things didn't look good before kick-off, but after a respectable performance in the first "leg" nobody really expected the thrashing that was served up by Polska FC. Despite a promising opening (with the score 0-0), HTB quickly went behind and rarely troubled the opposition, the score 12-2 at the break. If anything the second half was worse, the onslaught continued unabated and the humiliation deepened. The gulf in class, fitness and confidence really showed, the match finishing 22-4. At least we won't be playing them again for a few years. In a hyphenated word: Dag-Sh1t
Player Ratings
Squirrel: Eriksson's decision not to take the big stopper to Portugal looked a good one, as he was repeatedly beaten at near post, far post and from just about every conceivable angle. Not his best game, but protected by a defence less effective than the Maginot Line. Performance reminiscent of legendary Bon Accord 'keeper Andrew Lornie. 3
G-Man: Anonymous. No positives from this performance spring to mind, although was lucky enough to witness a near bloodbath on pitch 5. Performance reminiscent of Paul Scholes on one of his trademark off-days. 2
Nez: Battled and harried, but it was for naught. Clinched consolation hat-trick with a well-taken penalty. Performance reminiscent of Di Canio in his Sheffield Wednesday days. 5 SURERANDOMALITY BEST OF A BAD BUNCH
Cock Boy: Barely touched the ball, even when passed to feet. Looked rather more full of Tacos and Margaritas than Mexican Jumping Beans. The dizzy heights of Expotel are a rapidly fading memory. Earns point on basis of nicely ironed kit, in a performance reminiscent of The Invisible Man. 1 POWERLEAGUE PARAPLEGIC
Turkish: Offered an outlet and tried to hold the ball up when HTB were in possession, which was unfortunately for less than 10% of the game. Unlucky to have a legitimate goal ruled out, and for once left the field without bleeding. Performance reminiscent of Emile Heskey aged 39. 4
Fab: An impressive debut from the Tuesday night regular; ran and tackled with vigour, but failed to make an impact in the opposition half. Will no doubt be the answer of a future pub quiz question (think Viv Anderson). Performance reminiscent of Carlton Palmer. 5