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Hit the Bar Vs Vasko De Gatley
Early rumours that HTB would have a full squad to pick from were dashed when it emerged that top striker Nez had a sister to entertain (a sibling, not a nun) and Owen was back in Southport. With HTB facing the unwelcoming prospect of having only 5 players, Turkish's mate Singo was drafted in for his debut. Vasko de Gatley were the opponents, a team who were perhaps fortunate to come away with a win the last time these teams met. The game got underway badly for HTB and continued on a downward slope all the way to half time, with the score standing at 8-2 to Gatley. The second half was hardly an improvement, although HTB did try and do a bit more running around and even some marking. A scuffle then broke out between G-Man and one of Gatley, with the result being G-Man sin-binned for 2 minutes and the Gatley scrote sent off for dissent. With Turkish's disappearance from the subs bench (possibly on the phone to arrange some heavy duty locks to be fitted to his front door in his absence), this left an already knackered Dancing, C0ck Boy and Singo in an outfield 3-on-3 situation. The reintroduction of G-Man yielded a numerical advantage for HTB but against all the odds they somehow managed to play even worse. They eventually sloped off the pitch with a 15-7 defeat.
Squirrel - As static as a Butlins caravan, he looked way off the pace tonight. To call some of his reactions sluggish is probably unfair to that particular species of mollusc. Made a few good stops later on but by then it was too late. Should know better than to expect a defence to turn up - 4
C0ck Boy - A pretty non-descript performance but did top-score with three goals and set a couple up too. As solid in the tackle as a baby giraffe with osteoporosis and with similar levels of co-ordination at times. However, as mysterious as some of The Sun's own awards, he somehow takes away SURERANDOMALITY STARMAN - 5
G-Man - Was engaged in a good bit of handbaggery in the second half, which at least showed some kind of passion but also earned him SURERANDOMALITY SLAP-AND-TICKLER. Other than that, this was a poor game that is best forgotten, with just one goal to show for his efforts - 4
Turkish - Played well-ish but often became isolated up front and was guilty of not tracking back on occasion. A sprained ankle turned out to be the reason for his early disappearance, although he probably suffered less pain than those who had the misfortune to play in, and witness, the whole match - 4
Dancing - A mixed game with the bad largely outweighing the good. Rare bits of skill sometimes afforded an opening but these were more often than not squandered. Did contribute with two poached goals but should have scored more - 5
Singo - A mediocre performance interspersed with a few good moves. Made some good runs to create shooting chances but only netted one of them, and then soon ran out of steam - 4