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Hit the Bar Vs KF Soldiers
The final game of the season before the players were to head off for their 6-day inter-season break saw Hit The Bar up against bottom side KF Soldiers, a team who had won only once all season, no prizes for guessing who against. The late withdrawal of Nez, who picked up the 'ARD-WORKING ASS-LICKING ARSEBANDIT award, would usually set the alarm bells winning, but come kick-off HTB still managed a squad of six, with G-Man back from a brief loan spell with Spanish side, Ibiza. The game started in something of a stalemate but after some close calls HTB finally got a breakthrough and went on to score five without reply. They should have had more but that skinny little Stockport scally, G-Post, had only gone and swapped his allegiance and was playing a blinder for KF Soldiers. Amazingly, HTB finished the half with a clean sheet still intact, could they go the whole game without conceding? KF Soldiers started the second half with a bit of bite, but HTB had no trouble matching them and extending their lead. Complacency led to KF Soldiers finding the net a couple of times but the game soon fizzled out into a disappointing affair, with HTB winning 11-3, and the legendary clean-sheet remaining as elusive as a lobbed goal.
The prospect of Shera (She-Ra?) being promoted next season, surerandomality led to the players all acquiring a He-Man pseudonym, which will probably be lost on anyone not born in the 1977-82 period.
Battle Cat (Squirrel) - An unusually quiet game for a change meant he had little impact on the outcome. The prospect of a clean sheet kept him interested but once that was gone minimum effort was required. Answered the few questions that were asked of him but had nothing special to do - 7
Man-E-Faeces (C0ck Boy) - An episode of the runs during the week earnt him the appropriate, if mis-spelt, pseudonym. Fortunately he was demonstrating runs of a different kind on the pitch. Some well-worked moves produced some nice goals, including a couple for himself - 7
Man-At-Arms (Dec) - A real frontline fighting performance this week from the plucky little potato-muncher. Had a bit more fire in his belly and was involved in most of the play. Probably wouldn't have been too pleased with his finishing but his build-up play and tackling was good and he did manage to tuck two shots home - 8
Ram Man (Wes) - From the very start he had his shooting boots on and it was all G-Post could do to deny him from some spectacular efforts early on. It wasn't long before he rammed one home and two more were to follow. Occasionally got carried away and missed the chance to put others clean through on goal but did well enough to edge it as SURERANDOMALITY STARMAN - 8
Orko (G-Man) - At times a magical performance but at others he appeared to lose his wand. There are rumours that he blamed Ibiza FC for not keeping him as match-fit as HTB do, but then Ibiza could argue that he was lounging around by the pool whilst others were training. Scored a good hat-trick but looked out of it towards the end - 7
Skeletor (Dancing) - About as meaty as his pseudonym, this was a reasonable performance - the fact that at times he looked bone idol could perhaps be the only bone of contention. Scored one poached goal but, and I'll make no bones about it, he should have had more. Certainly not a bona fide performance, but not bad - 7