Blonde of the week was probably won by Seeks, as he had problems adjusting to the fact that he's now within hearing range of the adjudicator.

Happy birthday to Ricky Organ who is 24 on Tuesday.

Not much post, but it's all the same stuff as the previous weeks, you know the things, Rex, Women and football, foreign languages, and Mr Perrin, but in a week when there has been such a small amount of post and I've had the chance to go through everything quite thoroughly, there is absolutely nothing that is worth printing, so nothing is going to be printed.

That's it for the letters for this week, BUT there will be more next week. BUT, only if you’re lucky.

A couple of items that caught my eye this week

A chicken was "a bit stunned" after being rescued in San Francisco, Calif. The chicken was wearing a harness that had 100 helium-filled balloons tied to it. It was unclear where the fowl had started its flight, but it ended tangled up in power lines in the middle of the city. As the power lines were shut down "to avoid frying the chicken or its rescuers," a police officer with a pellet gun shot out about half the balloons. The hen survived. - Is this why Seeks can't have any chickens?

David Thompson, 23, 6-feet tall and more than 200 pounds, apparently thought carjacking was easy. Police say he first picked on Richard Gambardella, 65, but the older man successfully fought him off and got away. Thompson allegedly then turned to the next-closest car. Peter McKasty, 6, and his sister Kristin, 9, were in its back seat. Peter jumped on Thompson, pulling his hair and screaming in his ear until he let the children out. He was captured a short time later and charged with attempted robbery, assault, unlawful imprisonment and robbery. What was Peter thinking as he dealt with the carjacker? "I was thinking he was an idiot," he said. - Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

This week's list is Will Durant's (no I don't know who he is either) 10 greatest thinkers of all time.

1. Confucius
2. Plato
3. Aristotle
4. St Thomas Aquinas
5. Nicolaus Copernicus
6. Francis Bacon
7. Sir Isaac Newton
8. Voltaire
9. Immanuel Kant
10. Charles Darwin

Not a great deal. G Man left work early on Friday, to go to the Slug and Lettuce with Garden, Blondie and Sarah, and were joined by Karen and Maggie, but all the women had left G Man by the time Squirrel managed to get out of work, though it seems his arrival was only moments after G Man had texted him to say there was a strippogram. They moved on to Sinclair's Oyster Bar for a few Weiss beers, and got some Ayingerbrau vases, before heading home early.

Saturday saw nothing being done at all by the residents of Chez Didsbury, and the vaunted triple birthday bash turned out to be a single birthday bash as Tessa and friends went to funkademia, whereas a mix of lack of funds and general apathy meant that the Chez Didsbury residents didn't leave the house, or even have any beers.

Sunday saw more of the same, with chilli and a Sunday night film that no one could be arsed to watch. Monday and Tuesday saw G Man going into Didsbury to meet Amanda, though the close proximity of Esther on Tuesday may cast doubts on this. Wednesday saw Squirrel, G Man, Ricky Organ, Jayne and Tessa going for a couple of quiet ones in Didsbury, having one in the Station, before heading to the Dog and Partridge for a couple and to win the quiz. Thursday saw some of the Chez Didsbury residents going to the cinema, but who cares, the week has been boring as fuck.

The monkey was up the tree, no one for sure knows how long he'd been there, but due to his antics and general demeanour there was a large contingent of spectators gathered round his tree. Spectators came and went, but there was always someone there.

Then one day the monkey fell out of the tree.

Someone asked, "Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?"

Someone else replied, "Because it's dead."

No one believed this, but as the hours passed there was no movement from the monkey, and after a couple of days a member of the crowd actually approached the prostrate monkey and confirmed what was feared, the monkey was dead.

The crowd started to disperse, and as they did someone was heard to say, "That wasn't the best trick to finish with was it? What's the monkey going to do for an encore?"

Some people are never happy.

You are having a fucking laugh, nobody's done anything remotely interesting, let alone quote worthy.

Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon

Why when the prize is a year's supply of lager are you given 365 cans, who only drinks one a day?

Why are kids the only ones that can open items with childproof lids?

Sweetcorn itch (n).

An itchy ringpiece due to insufficient wiping.

A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery. On the day he was admitted his mother asked if the doctor would please circumcise the boy, since he's already going to be under anesthesia. The boy woke up and was very sore "down there" there for several days. About a week later he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he, too, was also going to have to have his tonsils out. He asked the boy to tell him about the surgery. The little boy replied, "All I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are."

A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground. The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?" "Yes." "Did you hit her with that golf club?" "Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head. "How many times did you hit her?" "I don't know. Five . . . six . . . put me down for a five."

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. "I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic. "That's nothing!'' said the Baptist. ''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I'll have a football team!" "You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'' said the Mormon. ''I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But only the janitor was there. One said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now, go out and play." When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Catholic, because they pour the water on you. We're not Baptist because they dunk all of you in it. We're not Methodist because they just sprinkle you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?" "Yes. Why, what do you think that means?"

"That means we're Episcopalians."

A new mother took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her little girl in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put the purchases around her. In the checkout line, she noticed a small boy and his mother were ahead of her. The small boy was crying and begging for some special treat. "He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any", she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out to her husband "Bruce, Bruce. Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up, "No way. We can't do it" Cobba said, "Lets try Plan B". "Plan B" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"? "I go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba. "Spot on" Bruce said, "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play with her t1ts". "Play with her t1ts"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?". "No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive".

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg. so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note, "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate". The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says, "Dear Sir, Sorry about our previous suggestion - please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and, with your bald head you will really look the part". Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a really rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads, "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ar*e and go as a toffee apple."

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day, the dog starts chasing butterflies and, before long, he discovers he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction, with the obvious intention of having lunch. The Irish Setter thinks, "Man, I'm in deep shit, now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately setting down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard, "that was close. That dog nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!"

Hmmm, can't be any worse than last week's predictions, Hopalong is away at the Goodwood festival of speed all weekend. G Man is off to Harrogate for some kind of bizarre 50^th birthday celebrations for one of his relatives. Squirrel's co workers are planning to go out straight from work Friday night, and it's Naomi's leaving these shores do. Though whether Squirrel makes it to either is debatable due to severe lack of funds. Much lounging will be in order. See y’all next week.

Here’s this week’s random review

Shorts, horrible summer clothing, used to show off milk bottle white legs on the pretence that they are cooler than trousers etc. Just 5 words. Absolutely positively no fucking need.

First the answer from last week. No Zebedee's catchphrase wasn't boing, it was time for bed. The correct answer was hard to come by, but eventually a Miss Florence Dougall of Halstead, Essex, got the right answer and therefore wins the knitting pattern.

For this week’s competition, all I want to know is which is shorter, G Man or the queue for Cliff Richard tickets? Answers to the normal addresses through the normal channels, and the first correct answer drawn out of the Surerandomality hat next Wednesday afternoon, wins a packet of sweets.

TOTAL = 5

CUMMILATIVE TOTAL = 478