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Hit the Bar Vs Ashton Athletic
There is no finer sight than when the East- and Westside of Didsbury combine their talents to take on a team of local rivals on the footy pitch. And that is exactly what happened when Hit The Bar found themselves up against bitter, bitter rivals, Ashton Athletic. With a no-show from recently relegated Expotel, and the same fate bestowing Ashton, it made sense for the two teams to play their postponement from the previous week.
Ashton lined up with their usual crew, and Hit The Bar had all six of what some on-lookers now regard as the core of the squad: Squirrel between the sticks, The Chemist leading from the back, Ricky Organ prowling the flanks, G-Man bossing the midfield, Dancing spraying the passes and Nez dribbling his way to glory. The game kicked off with both teams in high spirits, with Ashton laughing and joking with their pal the ref. Within a couple of minutes G-Man, apparently on Cruise control, had lost the ball in front of his own net with a goal resulting. Undeterred, Hit The Bar soon recovered their recent good organisation and form and by half time had opened up a small lead. The start of the second half shaped the outcome of the match. Hit The Bar scored a couple of goals but each time Ashton struck back within seconds. Instead of losing heart however, Hit The Bar dug deeper and gradually broke Ashton down. It wasn't long before Ashton turned on the ref and berated every decision against them (the fact that the ref missed a vital decision whilst giving the ball back to a neighbouring pitch was neither here nor there). With Ashton becoming increasingly frustrated by Hit The Bar's excellent marking and counter-attack play, the air soon turned blue as they resorted to foul language and dirty tricks. The end of the match saw Hit The Bar take the piss with repeated substitutions and general antagonism of the Ashton scum, with a comfortable and thoroughly deserved 13-8 win the result.
Player ratings: Ashton
Pre-pubescent keeper: the little scrote made some good saves and initially got some fine praise from his daddy. However, by the end he was made to look a right dick by a superb dummy shot from G-Man - 5
Old fat grey one: previously thought to be a good bloke, he was seen in a different light when things weren't going his way. Constantly moaned at the ref and spent ages after the game gathering up all the toys from his pram - 3
Short old grey one: lived up to his complete tosspot status with a few fouls and insults, including calling Dancing the c-word. Couldn't shoot for toffee and has as much skill on the ball as Jamie Carragher - 3
Very short bald one: whinged and moaned with the rest of them, did a bit of goal-hanging but to no effect - 4
Steve: their ringer seems to have lost his touch and there was nothing he could do to stop Hit The Bar's dominance - 6
Non-descript one: didn't notice him do anything much apart from trying to cheat his way to a penalty - 4
Player ratings: Hit The Bar (generous marks have been awarded but future sloppiness will be punished)
Squirrel: A superb performance yet again - always seemed to be in the right place at the right time, which could be attributed to the amount he ate over Christmas. In any other match this display would have earned him star man - 9
The Chemist: Was always available to provide cover at the back and helped set up a fair few counter-attacks. Chipped in with a goal in this good all-round performance - 8
Dancing: A surprisingly feisty performance, helped by his determination to beat Ashton. Scored a hat-trick but should have had more. Did well in closing down the opposition to turn defence into attack - 9
Ricky Organ: A solid performance from the gangly Eastsider. Was fired up for this one and worked hard despite not being fully fit. Scored a brace and was heavily involved in winding up the opponents - 8
G-Man: Despite the shaky start he soon settled down into his usual goal-scoring ways. Was top-scorer and worked hard to get them. All-round game was good, notably his marking and tracking back - 9
Nez: This lad just seems to keep improving. His mazy runs were a pleasure to watch and he scored a couple of beauties at crucial times. His work rate was excellent and his passion at the usual level. Set up numerous chances and defended too. By the narrowest of margins he edges from a the others and earns SURERANDOMALITY STARMAN - 9